Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
