We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Is it penis luge time yet?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
you made out with another girl for some wings
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
