Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
