I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Randomize
