He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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