I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
