R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
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I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize