So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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