Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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