I murdered the dance floor call the cops
what day is it and did you see me today?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
