i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
