i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
