Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
