he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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