after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
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this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
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Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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