are you so shy because you have an std?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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