I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
