He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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