You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
soo... how was my night?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
