Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
