No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
