good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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