I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
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