oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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