before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
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I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
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last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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