He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
