shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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