my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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