I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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