420 ftw
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
