Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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