Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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