I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
