well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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