My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
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don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
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her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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