Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
