How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
