I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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