I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
