THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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