Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
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