Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
