wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
