1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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