i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
