bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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