I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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