She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Oh god it's open bar.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
