i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
