God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
