explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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