fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
