Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
