You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
