I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
