i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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