in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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