Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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