She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
