Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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