The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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