Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
