Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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