you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
