im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
