Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
