like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
