In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
