Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
