just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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